Unassuming to all there is a normal person within me. I am just like you. Hello.
Today I turned 29. Wow. Can I really be 29? Besides the few extra wiry white hairs, sunspots and more leathery looking hands, I feel the same as yesterday and I am sure I will feel the same tomorrow. Well kind of, maybe a bit happier?
Hopefully as I am feeling tired, overwhelmed and sad today. Honestly. Whether it’s my high expectations on myself, the amazing Happy Birthday wishes on my Facebook page reminding me who I am for the world (and you) or that it’s my period (which is probably the cause of the stream of tears, damn hormones) it’s important to be honest with you and with myself.
Maybe I am having the ‘30’ freak out? Remember the 24-to-25 years old freak out? That felt like yesterday. But this week has been quite the wake up call and that being I need to be grounded, something that is missing in my life and has been missing for sometime.
Fortunately I have incredible friends and one very dear friend coached me in 5minutes flat last night on who I am and who I desire to be. Right now, I am overwhelmed and not because I have taken on too much, I am just not managing my own expectations and listening to myself. I know I live a life with eyes too big for my stomach, which is why I book myself a getaway every three months to reboot my energy. It’s just that getaway is overdue.
It’s a shame as I pushed myself too far this week and turn into a hormonal bitch before I realised that I have been a hell of a monster (maybe it’s hormonal) but the truth is I did cross the line.
I submitted my PhD application on Monday – again – with 10minutes to spare until the midnight deadline, only because my go-go attitude had swamped my life leading up to the submission date and I got the days and dates mixed up too. My supervisors were extremely disappointed, people I highly respect. I felt like shit when I did it too. So, we spoke about it and I took their advice and withdrew the application. Relieved is an understatement.
But then my dog ate my mum’s Tupperware. Shit. I know. You know mums and their Tupperware. We still haven’t spoken and I feel like shit about it especially considering I have the training, premier leadership training, to get clear on the underlining issue. One thing I recommend and it’s why I seem to get stuff done is that I have a coach, I work damn hard on myself and train my own way of being. Be the cause I desire to see in the world.
Which has helped me become ‘present’ to the ebbs and flows of my life…
Right now I am seeking strength and I know tangenting isn’t going to help with that – although at least it will help me get over my tired, hormonal story. Ah. I smile and laugh.
What I do know is that there is more strength in being honest and sharing my ‘weaknesses’, my ‘sadness’. I want to be honest with you and with myself, and that being all I want for my birthday is your support to help me find my grounded self and for you to be the leader you can be for yourself and the world.
Happy birthday to every other 9th Libran Baby! I just got it… I need balance.
Happy birthday to me.