Dear family and friends,
My identity hit me in the face today. It was an Armageddon, a war between my horrible self of being righteous and impatient against freedom to be humble and grounded. But I pushed through the coaching because I saw the impact of being righteous and impatient and it’s horrible. The biggest impact is not being free and open to other’s contribution to me and me being a contribution to others.
Now for some context…
I am at the end of the Introduction Leaders Program for Landmark Worldwide – a leader in the personal and professional growth, training and development industry. To be quite frank I never intended on doing the 7-month Introduction Leaders Program, and the Advanced Communication courses, and complete the Landmark Life Curriculum. But my drive to discover myself and what’s possible in my life led me to be where I am, and literally, sitting under a tree along the Brisbane River in Hamilton reflecting on a massive personal breakthrough.
You see what came up this afternoon was that I am righteous and impatient when things don’t happen the way I planned them to happen or too slow or my way (probably more the later). I was suppose to lead an Introduction to the Landmark Forum and to make this happen I literally moved everything this weekend to be in Brisbane for it (if you got a phone call today this is what was going on). But because we didn’t have enough guests it was cancelled. So my time-poor attitude flared up big time, because I could have done something else today… like that draft the conference abstract, award submissions, draw a picture or literally lay under a tree all day or try and sell one of my two cars.
So where did this occurring of being righteous and impatient come from?
My coach hit the nail on the head and sat with me patiently why I wallowed everything out of me. It started almost 10 years ago when I attended my first Landcare session. There was a determined 70 year old, a fit 60 year old and then me, a naïve, enthusiastic nineteen year old. We were the only volunteers that day, or so it seemed, to give a #$% about The Spit and help water the 1000s of native dune plants to give them the best start to a thriving life.
I was shocked that there were only three of us, three volunteers out of everyone else on the Gold Coast, just three of us contributing our time to make a difference for the dunes at The Spit. I did some sums in my head and I worked out that it would take us forever and more at this rate to transform the dunes into an ecologically functioning coastal ecosystem. So, I asked the other volunteers why they cared, why did they contribute their time to Landcare?
The fit 60 year old shared what would become the most profound message that has shaped me to be who I am, a leader for Landcare and the environment.
He said, “What I can do is build homes for people, but what I can’t do is build a home for wildlife”.
He pointed to a Coastal Banksia and in the top of a tree was a Blue-faced Honey Eater enjoying the fruits of his labour of love.
He continued, “Can you see that bird in the tree?”
I said, “yes”.
Then he said, “I planted that tree. You see Naomi – it is up to you what you want to do in your life. Why not create a masterpiece and as nature is true artist, you can achieve your purest masterpiece out here”.
I was stunned with inspiration.
Where we were standing was like a bare canvas, and we were planting a masterpiece that would soon turn into a coastal paradise for birds and other wildlife and our community to enjoy.
I couldn’t wait forever to see our masterpiece grow and so my enthusiasm and excitement for landscape transformation captured me to share his message thereafter, everywhere, to inspire others to join the movement.
But the message between the lines means that I have become a hostage to the cause since then. It’s been 10 years wrapped and blinded, twisted and pulled between being righteous about what’s right for the environment and being impatient for change. Masking the biggest impact on my personal life, not being open and free to contribution and being a contribution.
I am certainly not dismissing the outcomes that have been achieved and the doors that have been opened for people to see Landcare as a way to contribute to the environment.
But what I am dismissing is my horrible identity of being righteous and impatient.
I know we can’t wait for change to happen itself and I recognise the value of change agents and catalysts. But imagine if I could be humble and grounded in my environmental work, and every other area of my life?
What would that be like? Wow.
Tears of freedom poured out of me. Holy crap. I was bought back to nothing and now creating who I want to be.
This breakthrough was massive for me. I could have been righteous and not share it, but the impact is that I wouldn’t have you pull me up.
Please do, I need your support on this one!